Celebrity Cemetery Weddings?

“It’s the perfect solution to the doomed celebrity marriage,” says Cliff Guston, CEO of Fame Solutions, Beverly Hills. “Traditionally, celebs have multi-million dollar events with a helicopter and drone service hired to flush out paparazzi hiding in the surrounding countryside. They spend more on flowers than most people do on their first homes. Yet these are the marriages least likely to make it to the first anniversary. I’m not saying it won’t last, but on their honeymoon to an exclusive, luxury Bora Bora hotel one bride complained about the room, while her hubby said most people would die to be there. Then, when he playfully tossed her into the water, she burst into tears. Does this sound like compatibility to you? What we do at Fame Solutions is assume the marriage will fail, that it’s doomed from the start, and so the newlyweds are more determined to beat the odds. Costs are less, too.  We don’t use real flowers, they’re plastic. The justice of the peace moonlights as a real estate agent. There’s a chapel-mausoleum for those who prefer a private ceremony, and the bridge and groom are whisked away in a hearse to the nearest Motel 6, where room service is provided by Pizza Hut. So far, we have a 100% success rate, because after you go with us, the rest of your marriage is a piece of cake. Pun intended.”   
Ben Bernanke to Host World’s First TRILLONAIRE
Move over, Bill Gates.  Being a billionaire is already commonplace, and so the next goal for the Super Rich is the T word. Since they pay few taxes, and are protected even by the Tea Party, the upper 1/2 of 1% (who own 60% of the world’s wealth) have decided it’s time for their own game show:  WHO WANTS TO BE A TRILLIONAIRE? Mark Burnett is currently seeking candidates for show host, and is considering Goldman Sach’s CEO Lloyd Blankfein, televangelist Joel Osteen, success guru Anthony Robbins, and Rhonda Byrne, author of The Secret. Questions would relate to trickle down theory, the French Revolution, Transylvania, the Fall of Rome, and Super Yachts. Secret rumor has it that Fed Chairman Ben Bernanke has already tossed his toupee into the ring. In other news, the first recommendation from the Super Committee involves taxing singles double. Explains Nancy Pelosi, “This is a no-brainer, easily accepted by everyone, since singles already pay double for traveling, and rooms are based on double-occupancy.” Single supplement fees will be added by the IRS to all tax forms, since this practice is already widely accepted by hotels and cruise ships. “Freedom comes at a price,” Pelosi reiterated, adding that restaurants will also be encouraged to place singles at tables next to swinging kitchen doors.
Oops, sorry folks. There’s already a Trillionaire, and his name is Howard Rosen. Nevermind. For more on Howard, click HERE.


One thought on “Celebrity Cemetery Weddings?”

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s