Old School Soaps


On Daze of Our Lies
we see April telling Gerald
about Gil and Myrtle
over lunch with Beau
who informs Sally about
Gerald’s date with Gwen.
Then Russ struts in and denies
asking Val for a divorce
despite the face she and Neal
and contesting custody of
Meanwhile Laura implicates
Myrtle of theft
and Gill retaliates by hiring
Beau’s third cousin Josh
to shut her mouth forever.
Thank God.

On As the World Burns
Peter agrees to finance the arsonists
of NOMAD, a Iraq terrorist gang
as the Rainbow Archer continues
to stalk the city, firing twenty
poison-tipped arrows
every time a rainbow appears.

On Ryan’s Fear we have panic
when Ryan learns of Margo’s
secret affair with mysterious Snorkel,
a porpoise trainer at the sea aquarium.
Enraged, Ryan introduces three
Great Whites into Snorkel’s tank.

On The Old and the Nervous
Malinda and Dorian have an argument.
Malinda prefers chicken noodle soup
over split pea, and Dorian
prefers split pea over chicken noodle.
The argument lasts until supper
when Alec and Gertruda
invite them both out
for sauteed octopus.

On The Nurses Rachel is fired
for replacing an operating room scapel
with a steak knife.
Finally getting time off,
she and Luke (on a lark)
set sail for Tahiti
on a papyrus reed raft.

And on Another Death to Live
Felicia’s plane is lost
in the Bermuda Triangle



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